NotTheGlobe — News Satire
Harry and Meghan Crown Themselves King and Queen of Sorts
After being told they're no longer working royals, Harry and Meghan appear to have solved the problem by simply crowning themselves.
Read the full story →Trump Confirms He Was Definitely There, Just Not There There
He was there. He wasn't there. Two firefighters rescued him. Nobody saw him. The media is lying. Welcome to Schrödinger's 9/11 Trump.
Read the full story →New Twitter App Fights the Truth
A new Twitter clone is crowdfunding a war on billionaires — by trying to become one.
Read the full story →Lindsey Vonn, 41, Announces 9-Year Plan to Return to Skiing at 50
Vonn isn't announcing a comeback. She's not coming back yet. She's just making sure everyone has nine years to prepare.
Read the full story →BREAKING: Johnny Cash's "Hurt" Recalled Federally, Replaced With Version Optimized for Zero Feelings
The government pulls Johnny Cash's "Hurt" from circulation for being too sad, then replaces it with a version so sanitized it makes you feel nothing at all.
Read the full story →From the Strait of Hormuz to Pattaya: A Study in Contrasts
After more than 200 record-setting days at sea fighting a war with Iran, the USS Abraham Lincoln is sending 5,000 sailors on a mission it never quite trained them for: R&R in Thailand.
Read the full story →Germany Unveils New Economic Growth Model: Taxing the "Existenzsteuer" for the Right to Exist
Germany, having run out of things to manufacture, has started manufacturing taxes instead — including one on the simple act of being alive.
Read the full story →Lavrov Calls Russian Flag a Symbol of Justice
Russia's foreign minister has once again taken the Kremlin's relationship with irony into unexplored territory, describing the Russian flag as a symbol of justice.
Read the full story →American Cancer Society Cancels Boozy Cancer Gala After Noticing the Absurdity
The American Cancer Society cancels its boozy Wine & Spirits Industry Gala after someone finally asks what exactly they were fundraising against.
Read the full story →Local Crypto Investor Achieves Buy-High-Sell-Low Perfection, Experts Baffled
David Hendricks has once again sold every bottom and bought every top, and economists are calling it a statistically improbable feat of anti-genius.
Read the full story →Iran War May Ultimately, Apparently, Be a Testosterone Problem
A new critical analysis suggests the Iran war may ultimately be less about nuclear strategy than the ancient male fear of looking weak.
Read the full story →The Alien Etiquette Guide: How to Behave When You Meet an Extraterrestrial
Scientists have a serious plan for meeting aliens — here's the guide for the rest of us, in case we run into one.
Read the full story →We're also on
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