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In a valiant defense of his own memory, U.S. President Donald Trump clarified this week that he was indeed rescued from certain doom by two heroic firemen on 9/11 — just not, you know, on 9/11.
"They grabbed me under the arms and said, 'Gotta get out of here!'" Trump recalled, describing an incident historians have since classified as vibes-based.
When a magazine pointed out that literally nobody remembered seeing him there, Trump responded with the only tool in his toolbox: accusing the media of reporting what happened, immediately after explaining that what happened didn't happen the way he said it happened.
Asked for evidence, Trump supplied footage of himself standing near the World Trade Center at some point, accompanied by a large group of construction workers. He also cited his former head of security, Matthew Calamari, who has apparently confirmed that Trump was once in Lower Manhattan.
Case closed, apparently.
Trump's latest explanation is that he was at the World Trade Center "shortly thereafter" — not on the day of the attack. He also explained that he had been to the official 9/11 ceremony numerous times, while noting that politicians aren't allowed to give speeches there. He said he therefore couldn't have been prevented from speaking there, because nobody speaks there.
In summary: he was there. Then he wasn't. Then the people saying he wasn't are liars. Then he had proof. The proof is that people who work for him say he was there.